My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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