Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
