Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize