No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
