dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
