i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
