i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
