He asked to "fluff my boner.."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
