You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
