we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
