I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
