I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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