I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
