can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
