Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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