yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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