I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
