I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
