Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
