i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
