That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
