I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
