No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize