The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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