sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
