So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
