Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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