By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
