I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
