We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize