So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
