I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
