she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
