she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize