Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
