I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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