is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
