dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im part way to drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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