it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What a dumb baby whore.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
