I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
