I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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