i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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