if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
