so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
