Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
