Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
