I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
