On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
