I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
