then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
