Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
as a side note pls kill me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
