I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize