If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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