just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
