Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
