Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize