Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
