Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
