wakey wakey hands off snakey
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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