i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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