Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
