I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
