sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
