I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
