Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
