just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
