I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
