the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
