You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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