you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
