I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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