nut hugger
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
