saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
