porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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