i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
only you would photoshop your dick
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
