if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
