Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
