You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
