my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize