fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
