Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize