I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
