just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
