I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
