Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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