i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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