i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
