I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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