Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
