you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
