his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
