never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
