two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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