He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
