i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
