That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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