oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
