Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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