Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize