I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
