I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
