Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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