i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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